God is always on time

Let me tell y’all. God is faithful. It’s testimony time! So, a couple of weeks ago, I shared the story of how we were struggling a bit. I talked about my complaining at the grocery store – something that stopped after that last round by the way. Sharing that wasn’t easy because I was raised to never ask for handouts. And I wasn't asking for a handout by any means but I am very cautious to not be guilty of manipulation because I've seen people do that. I was raised on the value of hard work and effort, which is not a terrible thing. But it has presented the occasional challenge in my walk with God because one. I never want to ask for help, even when I really need help. Nor do I want to accept it. And two. I have a bad habit of thinking that my effort/hard work is what provides – that mentality of “I got this” sometimes causes me to forget that I don’t “have this” but God does. God is our provider. Not me. Not my job. Not others though clearly, He will use some incredible people to accomplish His purposes. But I told y’all in the last post I would have a testimony to share, and I sure do. Because the God I serve is faithful. And this isn’t just a story about financial blessings either. Some of this was shared in a Facebook post already but I wanted to go into more depth about the situation. This post will have to correct some of the actual timing but all of this happened in a 7 day period.

We had a $739.96 deficit in our budget for June. And I couldn't even bear to look at July, but it was going to be worse. All because daycare was tripling, and I have to provide lunch for the summer for Lennon's FT care. He usually gets free lunch so that's one less thing for us to worry about while he is in school. We've been on a journey to paying off debt too and that was going to get put on hold. My job cut out OT and I'm back to salary so there was no opportunity to gain that extra money really. What I would pay for childcare in the evenings, if I could find it, would be what I made doing Uber/Lyft. The car is back to acting… “blessed” but no check engine so that’s a plus. But I serve a God that always provides.

So, 2 weeks ago, I did something I had never done before for 72 hours, something I’ve decided to not share too much about. But it was something for some people I care about. On the last day of that, I was working from home on Friday cleaning up some things and God spoke and I wrote this down (FYI - I do payroll and integrity is absolutely mandatory in what I do in every detail):

Mothers Day Sunday, the 12th, I end up doing a prayer drive around our neighborhood because the Lord asked me to do that. He didn't say why but I found myself praying against storm damage, tornadoes, flooding, etc. The rest was in the Spirit. I have a video about that with more detail but a tornado did hit Houston and that derecho storm was headed our direction but somehow did zero damage to the area he had me drive around. I live in a trailer so I am pretty grateful for none of those 100 mph winds over here. But I am also praying for all of the people who had damage during the storm and lost power. Monday the 13th I was given a new assignment.

I was a little off on my timing in my original FB post but on Tuesday I was looking for one of the new leadership podcasts to listen to while working and I see this sermon from a church I had never heard of before titled “Everything can change in 72 hours” by Perry Stone at 7 Hills Church. So naturally, because last week I had done something for 72 hours, I was intrigued. Great message there by the way. But in this message, he talks about the Biblical significance of this 72 hours and a handful of stories that reflect this. So, I initially took this as a sign that I was on the right track with what the Lord had shown me. But he had said in the message that it never failed that in 72 hours, God showed up for people who heard this message. I decided instead of rejecting that, which is easy to do when you hear something like that, I was going to receive what God had for me. Though what I actually wrote in the prayer book at first was for someone else’s breakthrough for which I’ve been praying. Though they don't know that so you won't see their names. I was praying based on something God showed me but that's another story.

            Wednesday comes. I found out my son’s soccer games have moved, so now I’m scrambling to figure out how to get him to this game on time since his uniform was at home. Then I got news that the venue for an event were hosting is not available. At which point I realized that I never wrote down or went into prayer about the specific needs that we need for this event, so I wrote it down. Once I wrote it down, I realized that I needed to sow a seed on behalf of this event, but I wasn’t sure where just yet. About an hour later, I got hit with a spirit of anxiety that took my breath away and it lasted for hours. Now usually if something like this happens, it means someone I’m praying for is dealing with this and I need to pray. So that’s what I did though I didn’t have a picture of a face like I usually do. I just started covering all of the usual folks on my list and praying in the Spirit. I sat at my desk pushing through at work in tears with no idea why this was even happening. It had been months since I had dealt with any kind of anxiety like this. I used to struggle with panic attacks years ago, but the Lord delivered me from that. There was no cause that I could see, and prayer was not working. I could not shake this thing.

I got off work, got my son to his game while trying to hide the fact that I’m having this crazy thing happening for no reason. I sat on that field sideline feeling like I couldn’t breathe, and everything was spinning. Then I realized I’m sitting with the opposing team, and I need to move and find the parents of my son’s team to sit with. I’m clueless on soccer etiquette but I’m learning. My heart was racing, and I just kept praying quietly and trying to take deep breaths. My fit bit is over here thinking I’m doing cardio because of my heart rate at this point. Lennon aunt shows up and I raced off to the bathroom as soon as she got there (if you’re reading this sorry, I didn’t say anything, but I know you understand) because I had to get away from people for a few moments especially since there were people I recognized there that didn’t need to see me in that state. I come back, the first game ends, the next game starts, and we move to the other field. At which point I just get extremely tired like I just ran a marathon or something. We went out to eat after and at this point things calmed down. Got Lennon home and in bed after a shower and I went to go into the prayer closet. I didn’t even make it there. I was on my bed and just lost it. I cried out to God for a while asking Him to take this spirit away, and at some point, I fell asleep.

            Thursday comes. I went for my morning walk, and all is well. I get to work, and this anxiety starts to come back. Out of nowhere I see the face of a person I know but not super well, and the anxiety is gone. I still don’t know exactly what that was, but my assumption is they said a prayer for me not even realizing what was going on. And the funny thing is, this was actually someone that God had assigned me to start interceding for on Monday. So, if you’re out there as one of my like six to twelve readers, thanks for that. Prayer is powerful - don’t ever underestimate the power of prayer. You know at some point I might start sharing some of the crazy God stories I have from this new level of intercession the Lord has me in, but I don’t believe it’s quite time for that yet. I’ll just leave it as encouragement that if you picture someone like that or someone is on your heart, just pray. Pray in the Spirit if you can. You are making an impact.

So not too long after all this, I am reminded of the seed I was supposed to sow on behalf of this event. I had asked the Lord to show me where to sow the day before. So, God tells me to sow into someone specific that I had never sown into before. He gave me an oddly specific number too, so I assumed that was probably some kind of sign for them. My card declines and I’m having so much trouble just trying to sow this seed that I figured the enemy really didn’t want this to happen so now it REALLY had to happen. I finally got it to go through. Not 10 minutes later, I keep hearing over and over again “This is the seed that turns the tide.” So, I wrote it down. But the funny thing was I sowed this seed not for us. I sowed it for that event.

Friday comes, finally. I used a couple of hours of PTO to take the day off and spend it with the Lord. I took an extra-long walk in the morning as part of my normal daily routine. I came home and took a longer nap than intended – I guess my body needed some rest. Then the rest of my day I sat down with the Word. I read in 2 Corinthians for a bit, hopped back into Ezekiel but then moved into Isaiah as directed by the Holy Spirit and started doing a study on chapters 1 & 2. So much revelation and insight came from that. I picked up Lennon and we went to the packing party that evening which was a fun time. I absolutely love our team and I am just so proud of each one of them. Lennon's friend came over after to stay the night for the first time in prep for his birthday party. I go to lay down and I catch a video from an Apostle I know from my old church, Apostle Ray. He does a teaching on giving/sowing. As he was reading the Word, I felt that deep in my soul that the Lord was speaking to me. That it was about to be my turn to receive. I went from sleep to wired and excited about what the Lord was doing, speaking, and showing not just to me but to everyone on the live video. Not to mention getting in the Word is like an energy drink for the soul. I was commenting on that video way more than I do watching some of these FB lives normally. I actually haven’t watched very many over the last couple of years, but I like to catch solid teaching from people I know. I let go of my “chasing prophetic word” days long ago. Don’t get me wrong I am the last person to say anything against prophetic words because well…you can figure that one out if you know me. But chasing them is another story. We might need some encouragement from time to time, but we should be going directly to the Lord and to His Word for our “words.” I still giggle at what one person said awhile back to someone who was asking for a word – “you need a word? Try opening your Bible.” But that’s a topic for another day.

Saturday was a day spent with the boys and running around town in final prep for Lennon's party. I ended up running up one of my credit cards because I went out of the budget for the party, then felt awful about it because I’m trying to get out of debt, not to keep going back into it. But my kid was going to have an awesome party and since we had more kids than anticipated we needed candy and party favors and drinks and pizza and all of the stuff that comes with hosting a birthday party. We set up and Lennon of course had a blast. A handful of times I sat back, and I looked at all of the people that came to show up for Lennon and I was just in awe and grateful. A handful of people helped me clean up and load up the car and you know I am just so grateful to have people around us with that natural servant’s heart that you don’t even ask, and they are there to help. Shoutout to them for real though. But you know it didn’t hit me until I got home though that every single person at that party was our church family, current church family I should add. And yes, I know things come up I’m not trying to judge anyone if you didn’t come it’s all good. But I am incredibly and probably a little overly grateful for the people who did. Because if not for them I’m not really sure what kind of party that would have been. I think all the parents will understand what I’m talking about when I say when someone shows up for your child, that’s real love and respect. Especially ones that show up knowing that sometimes kids’ birthday parties where you don’t know a lot of people can be super awkward (is that just me?) but you go anyway 😂. Tears of gratitude again filled my eyes that night.

Sunday comes. I started out the morning exhausted from being outside most of the day on Saturday and my usual routine of never getting enough sleep. But I suck it up blast the worship on the way and choose joy and remember I’m going to be the one to light up the room! Especially since I serve Sundays. During worship though, we’re singing the song “Another One” and this thought comes in – “it’s been 72 hours. Where’s your miracle?” But I took that thought captive really quick and said aloud “nope, we’re NOT doing this.” I end up spending most of worship praying for something I’m not sharing here, just grateful for the things God shows us to warn us I will say that. Pastor Josh preaches an awesome message on receiving the Holy Spirit. God’s talking to me as usual through that, helping me to stay on track. Also found it interesting that we’re talking about “receiving” again since it’s been a bit of a theme all week. I served on prayer team, then family host for the 9:30, head to the huddle for the 11:15 service then I’m in the lobby catching up with people. I was chatting with a member of our team as he’s sharing a testimony he has. I had looked back and thought they might need help on family host for the 11:15 so I was about to walk over to check on that and this young man walks up to me with a card. He tells me that I need to keep it safe like put it in a safe, he was so funny about it but so sweet at the same time. I’m looking at this envelope like what the heck is in here at this point. My thought was it was a letter. So, I assure him it will be safe and with me as I serve. I asked him who it was from, and he just points up. He says don’t open it until you get home and keep it safe, he says again.

I finish serving and watching and cheering for the people getting baptized. Our outreach director messaged the disaster relief team and had a plan to go distribute buckets, so I planned to go eat lunch and come back at 3. I get on i10, and curiosity gets the better of me as this card sits in my seat. I’m not going to share exactly what was in that envelope because that would definitely be too much info. But I will say opening it on the freeway was not the smartest idea as I immediately just started bawling. To which Lennon is utterly confused and concerned so I then explain to him what just happened. The people at Wendy's must have been concerned as I ran through the drive thru because here’s this chick all dressed nice with bloodshot eyes who can hardly contain herself. I finally made it home and I was just in shock. Tears streaming down my face as I'm praising God. God showed up. God really, truly, showed up for us. In a way I didn’t see coming. We don’t have to worry about daycare expenses for a bit now. What was sown into us was specifically for that and will specifically go to that. Lennon’s last week of school is this week. Summer care starts Monday. You want to talk about timing? This was some timing right here. God never ceases to amaze me in knowing the details.

But you know what really wrecked me more than what was in that envelope? First was the fact that God showed up, big time for us and that reminder that He loves us that much. Second, was the person (or people because I have no idea who they are and I’m telling my brain to quit trying to figure it out already) who cared that much about us to do that. That was love. And as a person who gives often in many ways, only by the grace of God, I was honored to be the recipient of that love. And I don’t even have the words to begin to describe the impact that has. Not just on me - but on my son.

You see I asked God for a sign pretty recently. I was feeling discouraged about some things I had been praying for, frustrated even because I wasn’t seeing the breakthrough in others I had hoped to see. So, I asked God to show me a sign of why I am doing what He has had me doing. Something unique, something that just shows me what He is doing in the lives of others I pray for. And also, to help me not feel like a weirdo because half the time I do especially when things seem to be…repetitive. I owe nobody any explanation but for the sake of others going through this I will say that my love for the Lord is more important to me than what others may think, and I know my heart is in the right place when I do some of the things I do. But I still go through the “I am being too much” thoughts on the regular. So, this blessing was my sign too. It was the encouragement I needed. It was yet another reminder that God sees us and cares, but so do some of the people in our lives. It was a reminder that maybe I am on the right track after all. Because – and I mean this with every fiber in my being – the best part of this entire thing was knowing someone else was and will continue to be blessed enough to do this for us, and that they were obedient to God. I’d bet a million dollars this wasn’t the first time they did something like this, and it won’t be the last. And it’s inspired me not to give up on what God has asked of me in this season. The Word says do not grow weary in doing good for in due time we will reap a harvest (Galatians 6:10).

Do you know why I share these stories? First, to glorify God. Because my life is not my own – my life belongs to Him. Then, to inspire and encourage others. It is to remind you, reader, that you are loved. This may be my story today, but it can be yours too. And maybe it has been for you a time or two. Guess what? God has no favorites. What He did for me, He will do for you. I've watched Him provide not just for us but for so many others over the years. He knows. He always knows. He has every detail of our lives in the palm of His hands. It’s our job to wow faithfully. Tithes and offering. Sow your time, talent, and treasures. If you're in need, sow a seed. Don't stop giving when money gets tight. Give freely and give cheerfully. Sow encouragement. Sow love. Sow what you need because you’re not the only one that needs that. God is our provider y’all! But you just very well may be the vessel He chooses to use. Be obedient to what He’s asking of you because you never know the impact that is going to have on someone. I know this impacted me more than I can even express here.

Life should never be about what we get, it should be about what we give. And y’all I get how hard it is to give sometimes trust me. But you know I also know some of the greatest givers know the struggle well. They’ve had the nights of eating ramen for dinner. Putting mayo on bread with no meat, drinking sugar water – some of y’all know what I’m talking about. But thank God we don’t live that way anymore because we serve of God who owns the cattle of a thousand hills. Anything we suffer, we suffer for Christ. Our life isn’t about us anymore. He will provide for us and our families – but you have to live a generous life first. Give what you can. You know, I’m not one to speak negatively over people but I will speak the truth here. And I know I’m not speaking to all the readers but someone out there needs to hear this. Your life does not revolve around you, or around you and your family only. If you don’t get this down, if you don’t start living a generous life, you’re not going to experience things like this. Stop being jealous of your brothers and sisters that are being blessed when you know why they are blessed. That’s not of God. Jealousy is a sin. So is greed. Selfishness. All sin. You rob yourself when you choose to not give. You rob God when you choose to not tithe. A life that is not generous is a sad life. I know this firsthand from my past.

Some of you just need to hang on a little longer because you are a giver in waiting and this story is your encouragement that God can and will do it. Some of you might need to reach out and ask for help. Some of you need to quit begging for help all the time and…ok ok I’ll be nice. But seriously, I am just so grateful for God. I will never not be in awe of the things that He does in our life. Whether it’s something big like this or just a hug from someone or a sunrise I never want to lose that wonder for the things of God. Even in the storms in the trials I can – and you can – stand on the fact that God is good, and He is working on our behalf. Even if we don’t see it – He’s working. I know that’s from “Way maker” but it’s so true. Now if you know that song it’s in your head, you’re welcome 😂. You know one thing I pray often is that I leave a legacy that points people to Jesus. I pray that my life reflects His character so much that even when I’m gone, people will say “that girl loved the Lord.” I long to hear those words when He calls me home, “well done, good and faithful servant.” But you know I’ve still got a lot to do to live that out. God’s still working in me in so many ways. But you know I think we’re finally ditching doubt. I’m done with worry. It’s a waste of time. I think you should be too. So did Jesus:

25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? 26 Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? 27 Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life[a]?

28 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. 29 Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. 30 If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? 31 So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. 33 But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. 34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” (Matthew 6:25-34 NIV)

So, don't worry. God's got you and your family in the palm of His hand. Be obedient and trust Him and watch what He does for you. And when he does it you make sure to share because someone else out there needs that testimony!