If God wasn't real, I'd still be a Christian.

First, I recognize that there could be some people who will come onto this blog post and feel the need to defend God and tell me my theology is inaccurate. I also know there may be some who come on here and say that I am a fool for being a Christian, religion is a man-made construct, I worship my sky daddy, etc. Sound familiar? That’s a lot of what you see on social media now on just about every Christian content creators page in the comment section. But there’s you, loyal reader, who will actually tune in to what I have to say today, and you are who I write for. I’m here to explain to you why if God wasn’t real, I’d still be a Christian. 

Let me preface this by saying that God is in fact very real to me, but I have my moments. Sometimes I lay in bed at night after a hard day and I get hit with doubts. This blog post began as a recording on one of those nights though it’s been in my “to-write” list for awhile. Some nights there are thoughts of “was that really God?” or “did God REALLY show up in that situation?” or even “well why hasn’t He shown up HERE then?” I usually dismiss them knowing that there’s so many moments with Him, encounters with Him, things that I’ve seen happen in my life, moments He was speaking, moments it couldn’t have been anything but God. But the enemy will come in and try to discredit all of those things and say that it was a coincidence, that I see what I want to see. He’ll say “Oh God didn’t provide – people did, did He even really provide?” Now most of the time, I will take authority and take my thoughts captive. I will remember the Word of God and speak it out loud. But on those nights that I feel weak and tired of fighting, on the nights that the doubt won’t stop, on the nights when I can't seem to quiet my mind and find peace I’ve found a thought that will shut down those voices of doubt nearly every time. “If God wasn’t real, I’d still be a Christian.” Here are my reasons.

1. Following God’s Word and the principles in it have drastically improved my life. 

   
   

I remember my life before I knew who God was, before I truly accepted Jesus into my life. As a young child I knew Him for a few years but never really had my own relationship with Him from youth on. In fact I rejected Him completely around 11 years old. I know what my life was like without God, and I know what my life is like now. I know that I used to live a life hiding from pain. I smoked weed, drank alcohol, and had sex outside of marriage. I did all the things the world told me was normal. I did the best I could to hide the struggles, put a smile on, keeping going. I’d go into work day after day thinking maybe one day things would get better. I had no life goals, no plan, and as an adult most of my “dreams” had died to the reality that I was trapped in a cycle of making money to pay the bills. So drugs, alcohol, sex, those were the things that made me feel like I was living my life. They brought me a brief glimpse of happiness that covered the realization that my life was going nowhere. That's what everyone around me did too. I did a lot of complaining, gossiping about others at work (food industry is notorious for that) but that's ok because the world said all that was normal. I was searching for love and acceptance without realizing it at the time.

One thing I did have was a heart for people though and I always wanted to help others. I loved deeply in many ways, but that only caused more hurt because the people I loved didn’t always return that love. But when I gave my life to God, when I was at the bottom of the barrel and I cried out and asked Him if He was real, show me – He answered. It was only then that my life changed. Since that moment there've been many encounters I’ve had, so many stories I could tell. But keeping it simple, I look at my life now and I know I am not perfect. I still struggle. I still go through issues. In fact I’m in the middle of a storm as I write this. But I realize now that I am not alone in it anymore. God is with me. 

Following God meant that I was going to have to stop doing some things and let go of some things. Now let me pause and say that this was done through the grace of God and my love for Him is what gave me the ability to let many things go. It is not about “following the rules” of religion to earn His love. It is about receiving His love and allowing that to transform us. But my experience in the beginning of my walk was actually quite different because I went into a discipleship program, so there were actual rules that I had to follow to stay in the program. In many ways it was strict, and I won’t get into all of that. But some of the first things to go were cussing/cursing, drinking, smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, sex, etc. However, on leaving the program, I picked a few of those back up – weed, alcohol, cigarettes. The environment I was in at the time was full of that and I was not yet strong enough to fight that temptation when it was right in front of my face. But God had a plan. He moved me to a town where I knew no one where I had no choice but to let go of weed and alcohol completely. And a few years later I was able to stop smoking cigarettes which was probably the hardest addiction to break. Twice because I was stupid enough to go back to it. I managed to stay celibate though and have since the day I was saved. But see, it was the principles in God’s Word that enabled me to stay away from things that I knew could harm me. It was understanding that my body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. But more than anything, it was the conviction of knowing that He loved me in my sin, but He wanted me to come out of it. Not by my strength, but through His. That knowledge came from His Word.

 

These are just the more physical things I let go of. But I also learned what forgiveness was. I learned how to let go of the pain others had caused and to release them to the Lord. I learned that the 2 greatest commands were to love God and love our neighbor as ourselves. I learned that God is love. I learned He gave us not a spirit of fear but of power, love and a sound mind. I learned that I could take my thoughts captive – that I didn’t have to let depression take over my life. I learned that hope is an anchor for the soul. I learned that there was a plan and a purpose for my life. I learned that we will still struggle but we can have joy in the trials. I could go on for days. The point is, I learned that the principles in the Word of God, when applied, drastically improved my life. See I thought the world and all it had to offer was what I wanted. I wanted a freedom that I found wasn’t freedom at all, but bondage. I was a slave to sin. 

For years I thought the Bible was a story book of a God who was always angry. For a time I thought maybe it was just a collection of fables meant to teach us as a lot of literature was. I thought it was restrictive and I didn't like some book telling me how to live my life or end up in hell. Or told others that because that's what I heard without doing my own study on it. I never saw it as something to model my life around and I would tell a Christian in a heartbeat that they were nothing but a hypocrite when I saw them make the slightest mistake. That’s another story but my point is, I never believed the Word of God was real but I did recognize there were things to learn from it. So even if I wasn’t a Christian, I would still follow the principles in the Bible. Calm down theologians, I realize the book from beginning to end testifies to Jesus Christ and that it is the Living Word of God that transforms us. Let me continue with the thought process here. 

2. Community

   
   

Becoming a Christian I realized that God is with me, always. But I also realized that I was now adopted into the largest family in the world, the body of Christ. There is a community of people that also love Him, a family I have the privilege of being a part of – my church. A lot of people have that argument that church is an emotional thing that people are drawn to the emotional support system this community offers, and there might be some truth to that. I mean who doesn’t need a community of people that have your back when the tough times come? Especially right now. We live in a world that is desperate for community and is more isolated than ever. But the reality about the church is we are all drawn together with a common purpose – to worship the Living God and to share the Good News about Jesus with others. If you were to take God out of the picture it definitely wouldn’t have the same impact. As I write this you know I have specific people coming to mind. I can see the smiling faces of so many people, knowing some of the things they’ve faced and they’re still standing, still serving, still pushing forward. I’ve learned so much from many of them.

I am thinking about how on a first Wednesday awhile back I had a really rough day, mostly mentally. I was fighting battles in my office no one even knew about. I wanted to go home and I didn’t want to be around anyone. The enemy convinced me for a moment that my sour attitude would just transfer to others and because of that I needed to stay away from them. I tried to reason it by saying I had work to catch up on and I just wanted to sit on the couch, do that work while half watching something on TV. Now I don’t miss church service for anything so it was really out of the norm for me to want to skip out on a 1st Wednesday service. Especially since it's gotta be one of the best ones because all the "hungry" people come to 1st Wednesday (I'm not talking about food). But one of the tactics of the enemy is to get us isolated. I went to church and experienced the presence of God but you know what really touched me was during worship. I opened my eyes and I looked around and I was in awe of hands raised, voices singing in unison, and it brought tears to my eyes. For a brief moment I thought of the people who were worshipping, how their lives had been transformed and the stories they’ve told me. I thought about what it took for them to come to service and what they may be facing even now. And yet all of us chose to come together and worship God. I felt connected to this amazing group of people of all ages and backgrounds and nationalities. I felt the passion and the tears, the joy and the sorrow, the struggle and the victories, all at once. I thought, these are the people I am grateful to be surrounded by. The sermon was great – on forgiveness – and it gave me an opportunity to examine where I was at with this and to forgive those who I had yet to forgive for more recent offenses. Some in that same church family.

But the family of God isn’t just isolated to one congregation. I’ve met most of my brothers and sisters in a church service somewhere, but there’s some I’ve never met face to face that I know solely through social media. Ones who have a true passion and heart for the Lord, many of whom carry divine wisdom I am grateful to receive from. Though I admit I need growth in developing deeper relationships with others, I am grateful for the ones I have. Even if God wasn’t real, I’d still want to be connected to this family. But without God, we may have never met. 

At the end of the day as much as I care about my church family, I recognize that there are plenty of moments when they are not able to be there. Moments where I feel alone in a crowded room. Moments where I feel like nobody really understands me. Moments where I came home and there was no one here to talk to. But God is. He is omnipresent. And at any point no matter where I am or what I am doing or what time it is, I can cry out to Him. People will fail us. God will never fail us. I am grateful that I am never alone. 

3. Helping people – REALLY helping them.

   
   

I think about the church and the impact it has on our community. I think about the many opportunities I have had to serve others, opportunities I wouldn’t have had any other way. These are opportunities that are unique. There are things I wouldn’t have had a chance to experience just volunteering with a secular non-profit organization. Not to knock what they do because there are good ones out there. But doing ministry has created some real moments. Moments I’ve been able to remind an exasperated mom that she’s not alone. Moments where someone on the streets is reminded that they matter and they are loved. Moments where a child’s eyes are lit with joy at the bag of gifts they’re leaving with and the look of relief on a parents face because of it. Moments where praying for someone opened their eyes to how loved they really are. Moments where the presence of God surrounded them, and me, and things shifted. Moments where people experienced healing. There is no experience that can match that moment when someone truly accepts the love of God for the first time in their life. Nothing compares to that moment when someone realizes that they are not alone, that God has been with them all their life and has been trying to reach them for a long time. It doesn’t compare to the power and God’s presence flowing through you when you pray for someone.

That is what truly helping people looks like. Not just meeting a physical need, one that is fleeting and will eventually run out. Food is eaten, toys are eventually broken and thrown away. Grass and weeds grow back, things that are built will eventually need repair. Parks get dirty again, bingo prizes may eventually get lost. Things that were organized get messy again. Disaster relief supplies are only needed for a time. I could go on. But there are few things that last. The impact you have on a person lasts. Kindness, the memory of having someone who cares about you help you, that lasts. Relationships that are created, those tend to last. Love, that’s what lasts. And God is love. Leaving someone you may only encounter briefly with the knowledge that they are not alone and that they have a God who loves them is something that only ministry can do. Leading someone into His presence and seeing His power work in their lives is eternal. If God wasn’t real, I would still want to see people’s lives transformed in this way. Though without Him, I’m not sure it would be. 

4. I’ve learned what real love is.

Not the kind of love that just needs you for something. Not the kind of love that has you hanging around for a season for comfort or convenience. But unconditional love. Agape love. And unconditional love goes both ways. I have not only learned what it is to experience true love, but I have learned how to truly love. How to lay down my selfish desires for another person. The world told me the opposite. The world told me things like “be yourself” and “you do you sis.” The world said remove all the toxic people from my life, to let them go instead of making an effort to reconcile with them and admit my wrong in the situation. Now don’t get me wrong sometimes that is a wise step to let go and it is necessary. Especially in the case of abuse. But Jesus didn’t walk away from toxic people, He ministered to them. He gave His life for those people. That’s something to think about when we’re holding a grudge against someone. The world says: be free, live your life the way you want to and if you don’t like your life change it. There’s such a lack of values now. Values like commitment, loyalty, honesty, integrity are “old-fashioned ideas.” We live in a “me-centered” world. But true Christianity (not lukewarm Christianity) challenges that. True Christianity says Jesus is the center, not us. And Jesus loves people, therefore we are to lay our lives down for others. To set aside our plans, our goals and dreams, our ideas for His plan. And His plan? To reach other people. Even if God wasn’t real, I’d still want to live a life that doesn’t have me and my wants at the center. Because I learned the hard way - my plans suck. My plans lead to destruction. To depression. To hopelessness. To abuse even. My plans ultimately lead to death. But His plan is life. 

There’s more I could go into about the benefits of living a Christian lifestyle but I think I’ve covered some of the main points. And don’t think I have rose colored glasses on when it comes to some of the issues in the church today. I am aware that there are some very worldly Christians out there that I believe do not know the real Jesus because if they did, they wouldn’t be so selfish. I have a lot to say about that too. But given this story has been pending for months I think it’s about time to post it.

But the fact is, God is very real. If it wasn’t for Jesus, I would not be here writing today. At the end of the day, I look back at that simple concept that my life was saved by the love of God and I realize that’s what I want others to experience. I experienced a miracle in my life, the miracle of life when I should have died. And that’s not the only miracle I’ve experienced. There is a purpose for my life. There is a plan. I have a calling. God has assignments for me to complete. Not outside of His power and grace but in partnership with it. Thinking about this restores my hope and reminds me that I am living a life worth living. He gave me that life. I didn't earn it. I didn't deserve it. It was a gift. Undeserved merit. Grace. Mercy.

Some of you are already believers reading this but you've been plagued with doubts. You've questioned your faith and you're too scared to talk about it because people might judge you for it. I won't. I've been there. And the truth is, we all have. There's a reason we read things in the Word like Peter walking on water then falling in. The disciples in the storm waking Jesus up. The father of a child who needed deliverance saying "Lord, I believe, help my unbelief." (Mark 9:24 NIV) Having faith is not always easy. We are in a spiritual battle, one that Jesus holds the victory to. The enemy wants nothing more than to get our focus off God, to challenge our identity, and ultimately turn us away from our Heavenly Father. Don't let him. You have the authority. So, on those dark nights of the soul, when you’re sitting there thinking “what’s the point of all this?” and the enemy is barraging you with thoughts of doubt tell him this - “If God wasn’t real. I’d still be a Christian.” Then get yourself back to the place of remembering all that God has done for you, the ways He has moved, the ways He has spoken to you. Ask the Holy Spirit for help. Talk to Jesus. Listen for His response. Reject worldly thinking because it will lead you down a path that ends in death. Choose His wisdom. Choose love. Real love - the kind that will tell you the truth. 

You might be reading this because the title got your attention. You don’t believe in Christianity or "religion" and you were hoping to see a Christian being “enlightened” and walking away from the faith, right? There’s at least one of you out there. I wouldn’t be writing this here if there wasn’t. Sorry to disappoint you, but I hope that you hear my heart in these words. I used to be that way. I used to tell people all the time they were foolish for believing in a God that didn’t exist. A God that was angry, leading a bunch of hypocrites. I was the one who sought out other religions - I thought New Age thinking was the way to go - enlightenment, opening my mind, etc. It offered this “peace” it seemed. But I can tell you it is not the peace that surpasses all understanding and it is not true love. It is deception. And it absolutely opens up demonic doorways without you realizing it. Know this - if you are drawn to that lifestyle, you have God-given gifts that the enemy is trying to rob from you. What you are searching for is God. He is the only one that can fill that hole in your heart.

That desperate feeling you have inside, that longing for more - it’s searching for your Creator. There is a God who loves you, Yahweh. There is a man who died to set you free, Jesus Christ. There is a power accessible to you should you choose to believe, the Holy Spirit. I’m not talking about religion. Jesus hated “religion.” I’m talking about a real relationship with the Creator of the Universe. A personal one. When Jesus died, the veil that separated us from the presence of God was torn and everyone was given access. Just ask Him for a sign. Can’t hurt right? But don’t ignore it or dismiss it when it comes.

And if you want, let’s have a conversation. My contact info is on the page, messages go directly to the email for the page. You can also message me on my public page, which is under my name now, Brandi Bourne. There is also one for the blog page but it needs some work. Let’s talk.

I want to hear what you think, reader. Comment below your thoughts on this post!