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  • Writer's pictureBrandi Bourne

The blessing of singleness

Updated: May 26

“I don’t have time for a relationship.” That’s something I have said often – something that has been a fitting excuse for why I don’t date. Though there is a lot of truth there. For the last 7 ½ years I have been single and celibate/abstinent. As most of my readers know at this point, I am a single mom due to some not-so-great choices in my “BC” (pre-Jesus) days. Though that choice leading to Lennon may have been one of the best “worst decisions.” He has truly been the light of my life since he was born. I realize that it was all a part of God’s plan. He works all things out for good to those called according to His purpose. I “dated” twice in the early years after coming out of the Dream Center. Both of those relationships were…eye opening experiences in which I learned some lessons. Not that they were bad men, but they were definitely not who God intended me to be with nor I them. I also realized I was not emotionally prepared to invest in any type of relationship.

The first few years, the loneliness was crippling at times. Once in a while a wave of that still hits. (Particularly after leaving social events/church etc. and I have yet to figure out why that is because that after church nap and a half-day of Sabbath rest is always calling me.) There have been times in which I was challenged on the desire for all of the forms of “intimacy.” I don't just mean the obvious here, I mean being held, a hug, etc. Especially knowing in today’s day and age there's ways that can be met in an unhealthy way pretty easily. But that is definitely not worth the consequence trust me- i.e. soul ties and more. It's taken years to break some of that junk off. But there have been many, MANY nights of tear-filled, frustrated prayers asking God why I couldn’t have a relationship. I watched every single sister from our last church get married. Most of my single friends - married. Several people I know now, married. I had times where I would hyper-focus on “being the right woman” or “being the future wife” or “being the Proverbs 31 woman” so I could one day “attract” the man God had for me. All while knowing the Word says “when a MAN finds a wife…” Not to say there is anything wrong with preparing yourself to be a wife. But when it becomes a focus of your life, there’s a problem there.

There are times in which I’ve gotten angry and thought of how I could get on an internet dating site and fix the problem myself. Which led to a couple of times of actually getting on Christian dating sites/apps only to find a cesspool of men who are definitely not Christian, scammers who want my money, and bots. Oh and the occasional man who is married and a large handful of men that are only interested in 1 thing. Makes me sick to think about it honestly. Oh and the occasional decent human being that either never messaged back or lives in Timbuctoo. Like oh look a man that really loves God aaaannnnnndd he's in New Zealand. Great. And I’m sure that you men reading this have experienced the same in women. All for a price that is outrageous. Who's dropping this kind of money on this apps my gosh. In my defense I had a few “Christian online dating” love stories I had heard at this point from people I know so I figured it was worth a shot. One of the sites, Upward, I justified by saying “I’m just giving my future husband another avenue in which to find me.” But the problem with that is nobody can message unless you “match” with them. I found myself in a cycle of “judging” these guys based on a picture (though I was much more interested in the bio - nothing about God here? BYE.) which I don’t think is a healthy way to do things. I even prayed before I swiped at times saying things like “God, is this him?” And times of wondering if I accidentally swiped my future husband away and now it's just over for me. It’s hilarious when I look back at that, but I also cringe in sharing all this with you. But someone out there is single and knows exactly what I am talking about here. The struggle is real.

There have been times of feeling “less than” because I’m not married “like everyone else” at my age. Even in ministry, I’ve believed the lie that I am not qualified to do what I do because I am a poor example to others, or I am not efficient as I could be because I don’t have a man here to help. Especially since trying to lead men on my team has proved to be a bit of a challenge. And the enemy has used that one more times than I can count, and used people to make sure to lock that one in at times. The devil is always after our identity in Christ. I am very intentional about integrity though in the interactions with men area, particularly because of a situation from my past. And I do want to add that there should absolutely 100% be rules like no men riding with women alone, no private conversations, no being alone in a room, etc. – that is order and that protects all parties involved. It’s wisdom and I’m all for it. And it protects me and others from false accusations. But there’s times I feel like I can’t even have a solid conversation with a man in public without feeling like I’m overstepping somehow. There's a fear/anxiety thing that happens there where any level of confidence flies out the window and I stumble with my words like a 5th grader. Or forget half of what I was going to say. Or I just avoid the interaction all together. Though previous experience of being in places where I couldn’t talk to men at all definitely still influences that mindset. I even get this way with Pastors it’s ridiculous. Now some of the men on my team and in my church that read this are about to think “well that’s why she is so dang awkward with us.” 😂 Now you know. I’m working on it. But one thing I can promise is I will never cross that integrity line or apologize for upholding it for myself or the people I lead. That is a hill I will die on and I'm pretty sure everyone around me knows that by now.

Did I mention the barrage of well-meaning friends and their "great" advice? Things like “well just hold on a little longer sister God has the perfect person for you” or “you just need to prepare yourself for marriage and when you’re ready, then God will send your future spouse.” Or things like “this too shall pass” or “it’s just a season you won’t be this way forever” like it’s a curse or something. Or my personal favorite: "you just gotta have patience and wait on the Lord honey." Then of course there’s the handful that are trying to be the wing-woman and make a “love connection” happen and you know I was ok with that for a little while. But now that's changed - I don't need a wing woman but I appreciate you trying to help out there. How about the yearly sermon’s series on relationships…and what people always say is you’re getting “tools for future marriage” but in a bit I’m going to talk about how that’s probably also not the best mindset to have. Now our Pastor is really good at covering relationships in general so that helps. I appreciate being able to apply certain principles to my parenting, leadership, and friendships for sure. But I can’t deny that February is literally the only month of the year that the thought of missing church crosses my mind. There’s also this awesome marriage conference at the end of this series that’s helped a lot of people. But at the same time sometimes I think it would be nice to have a singles conference too. But I guess you can’t cover every demographic of people. We have a ton of amazing things going on already in our church that I am so very grateful for! But can I tell you the best advice I’ve ever gotten and would highly recommend you give to single friends? “Focus on God first. Keep your eyes on Him.” I would even add to stop thinking about it altogether and let God do His thing but maybe that’s a little drastic. And I’d also add that to not think that a man or woman is going to come in to fill that hole in your heart or make you happy – only God can do that. Learn to be sufficient without a relationship so you won't be so needy in one. If your married you probably shouldn't say that though to your single friend. Just have them come read this post and I'll do it for ya.

There are times that singleness took a darker turn where I would start to feel heavy regret on behalf of Lennon not having a father. Couple that with a Father’s Day message a few years ago that talked about the harsh statistics of fatherless children (things like more likely to end up in prison and other horrible things that my son will NEVER experience in Jesus name) and the absolute ruthlessness of any online discussion about single moms and it’s a recipe for disaster and even depression if you allow it. It does break my heart still to see Lennon not having his father in his life right now, but we are praying that that changes soon by the grace of God. I guess I can just be transparent with you here and tell you, his father is in prison serving an 8 year sentence. He isn't scheduled for release until 2026. So in the meantime, my son has a very small handful (like 3 or 4 because I am extremely protective over my son) trusted men in his life who can be a good example for him. But there are times that I have wanted him to be able to have a home that is “whole” and being surrounded by these healthy, whole families is hard sometimes knowing that we don’t have that. That it’s not something I can give him because of my poor choices, and his dad’s too to be honest but I’m not going to speak poorly of him. But I am grateful for the ones who have stepped up in our life to help me with this. Particularly Lennon's spiritual aunt and uncle, Sean and Kristi, who are the best most beautiful picture of a loving marriage and healthy home that he could ever have. I don’t know what I would do without those two. But don’t think that the enemy hasn’t tried to use that one against me too – thoughts of “he would be better off with…” but I’m getting a lot better of throwing his repeated tactic out the window when it comes in. I’m learning more and more how to take thoughts captive. But when the enemy finds crack...

I’ve had moments where I get frustrated with finances knowing there is not a second income in our household that can help. I am only one person and there’s only so many hours in a day that I can work. I’ve had to come to terms with the fact that we won’t be moving into the neighborhood with the $300,000 houses anytime soon. Which I think is too much to pay anyway. But it’s learning to balance what is best for Lennon and sometimes learning those lessons the hard way. Like buying a home in a somewhat rough neighborhood thinking it would be fine without giving any consideration to the school that he was going to end up in. That was a hard lesson. Praise God we live in a much better school district now. But we live in a mobile home park. It is a decent place, just no yard and no small groups or gatherings possible here. But I do get self-conscious about that at times too so me sharing this right now is disarming the enemy from using that against me. (Now it’s public – no ammo there anymore, HA.) I want to look into eventually buying a home with land, but then we risk moving out of the school district. It’s a bit of a catch-22. I was talking with someone the other day actually and he said, “it’s funny how when we’re young we can just live wherever, but then you have kids and everything changes.” There is so much truth there. You know pre-Jesus and pre-Lennon days I did everything from couch surfing to have multiple roommates to even living in my car for a bit and that never phased me…but not now. Now there is the added pressure of being financially responsible for a child and that, my friends, is a heavy weight to carry. Fathers, I can relate to your struggle here too. Obviously, I am not a man, but I do understand the weight of responsibility to provide. But God. I’ll get there, don’t worry. I have plenty of testimonies in that area (see my previous blog post). In that same topic though is seeing stay at home moms who can spend time with their kids, even homeschooling them. That will never be an option for us. Though truth be told I would probably lose my mind having Lennon with me 24 hours a day. SAH moms you are the real troopers out there. I salute you!

I know that I know that there are single people out there, whether moms and dads or not, that can relate to everything I said. I’m not here to complain about my single life, in fact quite the opposite. But I do want to shed some light on what we go through for the sake of all the married folks out there who may not get it or may have forgotten what that single life is really like. And it’s changed a whole lot over the years. Like how do you even date anymore anyway? Especially in a Biblical context – Jesus left out that part because courting back then was much different. I mean in Old Testament…. ok I won’t go there. But let’s switch this train of thought to the other side of the tracks.

In January of this year I came to a decision that has given me more peace than I can explain. During this time, I was fasting with my church family for our 21 days of prayer, so I was quite in tune with the voice of the Lord. All the years I said that my singleness was in God’s hands, it wasn’t. I had not fully surrendered this part of my life to Him. I started thinking, “what if this is the plan?” Not in a “I’m giving up hope” kind of way, but I started thinking Paul didn’t marry. I looked up Scripture on the topic and the Word is pretty clear that singleness really is a gift. I actually just happened to be already studying in 1 Corinthians when I came across the passage I will share shortly. So, I wrote this in my prayer book:

“Lord, right now I give you my desire for marriage as a sacrifice. I choose not to marry so I can pursue Your will and Your plan. I choose to be content with singleness until You call me home…God, I want you more…You have provided for us. You always will. Let Your will be done in my life. I accept Your plan. If singleness is that plan, then I embrace it. And I thank you for this gift. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

Now there’s already been a few reactions when I shared this with others, though I have not shared it with many. Most dismiss it saying that God still has a husband for me, and they disagree (and I love y’all and respect your opinion on that and I know y’all are saying that out of love too). Some haven’t really commented on it much but have accepted that I have accepted it. Others just give me this look like they have no idea what to say and now it’s awkward (which is why I haven’t shared this with too many until now lol). And I’m sure there are some of you that look at this and think that I am “rejecting” marriage and that’s why I will never be married. But let me tell you in 7+ years of singleness I have never had so much peace. As soon as I released this to the Lord, He set me free from this unrealistic expectation that I “have” to get married like it is some requirement in the Christian walk. And you know if we’re not careful, it can be presented this way. But here’s what the Bible has to say on the subject in 1 Corinthians 7 NIV:

“I say this as a concession, not as a command. 7 I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. 8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion…” (v.6-9)

"Now about virgins: I have no command from the Lord, but I give a judgment as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. 26 Because of the present crisis, I think that it is good for a man to remain as he is. 27 Are you pledged to a woman? Do not seek to be released. Are you free from such a commitment? Do not look for a wife. 28 But if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. But those who marry will face many troubles in this life, and I want to spare you this. 29 What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; 30 those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; 31 those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.

I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. 33 But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife— 34 and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. 35 I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.

If anyone is worried that he might not be acting honorably toward the virgin he is engaged to, and if his passions are too strong and he feels he ought to marry, he should do as he wants. He is not sinning. They should get married. 37 But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing. 38 So then, he who marries the virgin does right, but he who does not marry her does better.

A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord. 40 In my judgment, she is happier if she stays as she is—and I think that I too have the Spirit of God.” (v.25-40)

Jesus said on the topic after talking about divorce:

“Jesus’ disciples then said to him, “If this is the case, it is better not to marry!” “Not everyone can accept this statement,” Jesus said. “Only those whom God helps. 12 Some are born as eunuchs, some have been made eunuchs by others, and some choose not to marry for the sake of the Kingdom of Heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.” (Matthew 19:10-11 NLT)

I came to realize that marriage is wonderful, but so is singleness. I began to evaluate what the blessings of singleness really are in my own life. Jesus didn’t say it would be easy, but if it’s something we can accept, we should. Married people don’t you dare get the wrong idea here. I say this very seriously – if you are married that’s for life. Don’t you start looking at all this wishing you were single if you even think you’re going to do that you better skip the rest of this post. Marriage is also a gift, just an equal gift in my opinion. Right now, I rebuke any lying spirit that will try to come in on my married readers and I declare the Spirit of God will shine through with His truth in every circumstance. Go back and read the rest of Matthew 19 if you need to. Now let’s talk about the blessing of singleness.

First off, I don’t answer to anyone but God. Now of course I respect and honor my leaders and all those in authority so don’t take that the wrong way. I hope my life has reflected that thus far but only my leaders could testify to that. But as a wife, my husband would be the ultimate authority in my home. And yes, I absolutely believe what the Bible says on this topic that the man is the head of the household. But in my situation – no man. I know this sounds a bit rebellious here and I admit that my fierce independence (comes with the single mom territory) can be a hinderance at times. But in this case, I am grateful. Also, the order of the home is husband then kids. Since Lennon came first I imagine that one would be pretty difficult for me. Being able to have him as my second priority is a gift.

You know there was actually an event the other day that sparked this whole post really. I have been wanting to do a post since February on the topic, but had I done it then I would have sounded pretentious, and a spirit of bitterness may have influenced my words because of recent events. So, I waited until now. The event was through our disaster relief team. We went to go help out with cleaning up some tree branches. A derecho and possible tornado hit parts of Baytown next to us. But the three that showed up to help were all single. Single parents at that. We all had last-minute notice about this, but we all were available to help, and I believe that being single is what enabled us to do that. We didn’t have to check with a husband or wife or see what was on the schedule or any of that. Now two weeks ago would have been a different story for me because my son has now entered the world of “sports” – soccer specifically. And we’re locked into that for at least a few years with as much as he loves it. But all 3 of us had the time and ability to “up and go” to meet a need and it occurred to me what a blessing this truly was.

You know there’s a ton of ministry things I have been open and available to do because I am single. Though I do have to consider “is this something I can bring my son to” often. Childcare can still be a bit of a challenge at times. You know I say this with the words of a book in the back of my mind, the same book that is also influencing my opinion on this topic because it actually explains the gift of both marriage and singleness. That book is “The Emotionally Healthy Leader” by Peter Scazzero. I HIGHLY recommend this book even if you’re not in leadership. There are some seriously solid principles here. But the part I was thinking of was:

“A healthy singleness is your first ambition…ask yourself, ‘What do I need to do today to lead out of a healthy singleness of Christ? What makes this choice particularly critical is that there is an unwritten rule that single leaders need less time for this than marrieds…” (p. 106)

And just prior to this in the story of someone called to the life of singleness:

“Because I am single, I have been free to pursue many things that would otherwise have been impossible. I am also not under any illusions that marriage cures loneliness. Loneliness is part of being human. It is the invitation to open our hearts more deeply to God. However, that doesn’t mean we have to live a solitary life.” (p. 104)

You know just pulling these quotes I am thinking I need to give this chapter a fourth read now. I try to keep in mind that just because I am single doesn’t mean I have to say “yes” to everything. I often have to check myself in this area. But my point here is that while I strive to maintain a balance of developing relationships with others now, I have so much more time on my hands than I realize. Having extra time might be one of the greatest blessings about being single.

You see I have extra time not just to serve, but to spend with the Lord. That is the most valuable thing in my life. Time with the Lord. That may be time in prayer, the Word, worship, etc. Right now I have 3 set times a day to spend with Him: 6am for a short time in the Word before getting ready (I am trying to make that 5:30 but that has been a struggle…pray for me). 7am for a walk with Him, and 9pm for prayer time. That is not the only time I spend with the Lord by any means though. My study time is a bit more fluid as is prayer time that is more general than specific “intercession” time like 9pm is. You know that’s another gift too is the fact that in my prayer time I can focus on other people. I don’t have a husband that I’m lifting up, but I have Pastors and leaders and close friends at the top of my list. I can and do go to war for them and the level I can do this at has a lot to do with the fact that I am single. I’m not entirely sure how someone other than my kid would react to the way I intercede anyway…especially in the car. So I’m chalking that up to a blessing I just thought of as I write this out.

You know, just this year I’ve pretty much eliminated TV. Even when I do want to sit down and watch a movie, I just don’t have the desire to watch anything really. Except for Lennon and I’s movie nights. I would prefer to sit down with a book or the Word. I feel like my time isn’t wasted that way and I’m still getting some needed down time and a type of R&R that only the Lord can give. But my worst habit is still social media. Which is why periodically I will drop off the face of the map and deactivate the whole page (which to be honest is usually done in some type of frustration at myself for not seeking the Lord as I should). I’m in one of those now actually. I still have a back up page to run the blog page on FB/IG but I don’t “doom scroll” with that page. I just check on family and people that are on that prayer list and post for the blog. But my point here is the time that I would spend with my husband is time that I can spend with the Lord. And time I can spend with Lennon too. And I’m learning to be WAY more intentional with time spent and often ask myself the question – “does this activity have an eternal impact?” If that answer to that is no, it’s probably not something God wants me to do. Now obviously this is outside of the realm of self-care. Though that’s also a weakness at times. But I don’t think it’s a bad thing for my “self-care” to be grabbing a book and heading to city park on a beautiful day once a month (although Texas summer appears to have made its brutal arrival now so I may have to find an indoor version of this). But time is one of the most if not the most valuable "commodity" we have to spend and give.

As far as loneliness you know the quote above from the book really explains one of the most important parts of being single which is drawing closer to God during those times. You know there was a time that I would get angry with God and cry out to Him begging to take this thorn of singleness away. But those cries have transformed into ones of gratitude that I can have un-interrupted (though not unlimited) time with Him. There are times when our pain causes us to draw closer to Him and no one, not one person on this planet, can give comfort like the Holy Spirit can. So rather than pain being a negative thing, I’m learning how to bring that directly to God and let Him transform it into something beautiful. He gives beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, He trades our mourning for dancing. He is close to the brokenhearted.

I’m also learning that pain causes compassion for others that can cause us to pray at a way deeper level than we could without it. It’s when I feel the pain of another that I can cry out to the Lord on their behalf in a way I can’t explain in words. Intercessors know what I’m talking about though. I’m getting a bit off topic here, but the pain of loneliness reminds us that there’s others facing that too, and we should do what we can to help them carry that burden. You know one of my favorite things the Lord has me do is to encourage others. I do this out of a love for Him and a love for His people, but there’s a part of me that also does it because I know what it’s like to not be encouraged. And I don’t want anyone to face that. You know I’ve talked with a lot of married people and often I hear complaints of having to “deal with” that other person at times (and some of those conversations made me MUCH more grateful for singleness but I won’t go there…) but there’s times I think “but you have someone to go home to every night who can encourage you.” Not saying that every marriage has that, but I ask my married readers to consider the single people out there that don’t have that. There’s power in a simple phone call or text. A message that says “hey, I’m thinking about you. Praying for you. Do you need anything.” Etc. You don’t have to be single to reach out to single people. Just saying. And single people, you don’t have to be married to reach out to married people. Can we just encourage each other? Leaders – I’m not going to go too deep here because I may do a whole post on this at some point – do not underestimate the power that you have to influence someone’s life with a simple word of encouragement. You know I am learning this as a leader, from great leaders in my life. The words “I’m proud of you” are simple yet powerful and there is a heavy lack of those words in our culture today. That carries into parenting too. You know I am going to do another post on this – the power of encouragement. Looks like I’m going to have a busy weekend of writing!

Let me get back on track here. So far, I’ve talked about having the ability to serve spur of the moment, the extra time, and how loneliness draws us closer to the Lord. But another blessing of being single is provision. Being a single mom has opened some doors for us – doors I am incredibly grateful for. Though at times I do struggle with the idea of "pulling the single mom" card when I would much rather be the woman of faith that can handle it herself. But that my friends is pride. We all need people and we all need help sometimes and it's ok to ask for it. And side note, I was talking to my therapist the other day and he brought up how we love to help people anyway that we can, particularly through prayer, so why would we rob others of that joy and blessing? We would be here all day if I talked about the various ministries and people God has used in our lives. We have stories like getting into the homeless shelter right on time a few years ago to people allowing us to stay with them to landlords with compassion about our situation. Individuals and ministries who have helped us with needs like Christmas and back-to-school expenses. Stories about how God sustained us when I didn’t have a job for 3 months (other than Uber/Lyft) or how He provided for us just recently and met this huge need of summer daycare so I could work. Twice in my life I’ve actually been given a car – and now 3 times I’ve been able to experience the joy of giving one away. You see, not having that extra income but choosing to continue to give/tithe makes us perfect candidates for miracles. I think of the woman with the two pennies often because that has been our story at times. I think of how God sent Elijah to the widow in 1 Kings 17. That story is personal to us. You see as I am being obedient in the principal of sowing, God provides for us in some incredible ways. I also am now being a much better steward of our money and focusing on paying of debt and that is part of our story too. Now look, we’re not rich. There’s still plenty of paycheck-to-paycheck times and I talked about that already in another blog post. We still have some needs. But I have never, ever seen God fail us. And we never will. Why? Because He is my provider. You see when you’re married, typically the husband is the provider for the household. Though most wives work now as well and yes, I realize some make more money than their husbands. But my point is, God provided a job for me to work with stable income, but He provides what that income doesn’t cover. We can’t go rolling around in a brand-new car, but we have almost everything we need. God has never failed us, and He never will. And I sure appreciate reminders of that. I realize there may be some married folks reading this who are struggling so just know if you follow the same principles and live a generous life, that’s your promise too. But I can't count the times I said "God if you don't show up, that's it" and you know it's been a blessing to be in that place too because it caused me to have no other option but Him. That's not just in finances either.

So, I think I’ve covered all of the bases here now. But the point is this – singleness is a blessing. Singleness means a life completely devoted to God without distraction if we choose that. God has taken my desire to marry away and replaced it with my unquenchable desire for His presence and there is nothing in this world that is more beautiful than that. Look, not everyone is called to a life of singleness, and I get that. But can we as a society, as a church, and as the body of Christ, recognize the ones that are? Can we stop assuming that singleness is this curse, this disease that needs to be cured with marriage? Can we share some teaching that includes those called not just to a season of singleness but a lifetime of it? The Word of God talks about both. And can we please recognize that marriage and singleness are equal gifts. One is not greater than the other. I know my story is a little different because I have a child involved in it. And you know maybe God changes the story or has another plan and I truly am open to that. I am in full support that a family should be whole – mom and dad. I am a strong supporter of the family unit, and I absolutely will stand on that value until the day I die. And that marriage is a sacred bond between a man and a woman and part of God’s original design. I am not rejecting marriage. But I am not “required” to marry just because I have a child and I’m coming out of agreement with that lie. I am simply saying that I want God’s will and plan more than anything else. I want to seek Him above everything and everyone else. We should all have that mentality no matter which one He calls us to. I’m telling you I am not giving up this blessing for anyone but the Lord. The peace that I have is indescribable. I’m not sad to be single anymore. I am not sad about our situation. No, I have joy and I am content. I do still face loneliness but that’s when I draw closer to Jesus. And I don’t consider this a “trial” or a “season” either. Let’s be content with where God has placed us. As Paul said:

“Nevertheless, each person should live as a believer in whatever situation the Lord has assigned to them, just as God has called them. This is the rule I lay down in all the churches… Each person should remain in the situation they were in when God called them. Were you a slave when you were called? Don’t let it trouble you—although if you can gain your freedom, do so. For the one who was a slave when called to faith in the Lord is the Lord’s freed person; similarly, the one who was free when called is Christ’s slave. You were bought at a price; do not become slaves of human beings. Brothers and sisters, each person, as responsible to God, should remain in the situation they were in when God called them.” (1 Corinthians 7:17, 20-23 NIV)

“I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13 NIV)

            You know some of you (single people) may be sitting here reading this thinking maybe God’s calling me to a life of singleness. I would encourage you to be in prayer about that. I need to warn you that many will misunderstand. But if the Lord is calling you to it and you know that without a shadow of a doubt you stand on that and don’t let anyone pull you away from it. And you know there are some of you out there that just need to hand it to the Lord and take your hands off it. The majority of you probably do have a spouse in your future. Continue to grow as a person but stop doing what I did and hyper-focusing on being the perfect wife/husband. Focus on being a better follower of Jesus, learning His Word and serving Him and the rest will fall into line.

Let me also lay down the hammer on a topic too – sex before marriage is sin. Living together before marriage is a sin. Until you are married, you are single. I won’t go into dynamics of dating and all that. But for those of you who are called to a life of singleness I need to remind you that this is a desire that you are giving up – in all aspects. Sex is only to be enjoyed in the context of marriage. The Bible is incredibly clear on this. This isn't something you need to get into prayer about. And if you're reading this and you have fallen into this, this is your sign to get out now. God will not tolerate the abuse of His grace. There are consequences for sin. This is why I have chosen the life of abstinence and only by the grace and power of God alone have I not faltered on that. Now I will say this – God did deliver me from what I will label as “lust” for the sake of staying somewhat PG-13 here. It did not involve another person. That was something that I struggled with as a believer, and it took time to overcome that. More than I'd like to admit. But I can now say that I am free of that completely. I still face heavy attacks from the enemy and my flesh in this area daily and I need to warn my single people – some of whom already know this – that you have to stay strong in this area and constantly seek strength from the Lord. Keep your eyes on Him. Seek accountability even if that’s uncomfortable. Watch for your triggers and eliminate them. When you get a thought immediatly shift your focus - picture Jesus, put on Worship, get in the Word do whatever you gotta do to get out of that thing. And if you are living with someone right now I unashamedly will tell you that one of you needs to move. If you are in a relationship where this is a part of it, get married or stop until you do. Do not give the enemy any room to present something that will cause you to turn into sin. There are apps that can help you such as Covenant Eyes, and unfortunately, they do cost money, but I always counted it as a “health” or “self-care” expense to justify it. If your church offers a course called “Freedom” like ours, I highly encourage you to go through that. I realize the world and even doctors are out here saying it’s not healthy, nobody does that and it’s not normal – well, it’s not normal. But what in the Christian walk even is normal anyway. We are called to a supernatural life and in order to experience the fullness of that sacrifice is required. Now if you’re married you guys enjoy all that lol. I am specifically talking to single people here. Paul says it’s better to marry than to burn with lust so keep that in mind. If God calls you to it, He will give you the strength to get through it – so long as you rely on Him for that. And another blessing here is that God is going to honor your sacrifice. He recognizes the difficulty it takes to commit to this – Jesus himself said it in the passage above. There will be rewards for your sacrifice.

Single people – I’m praying for you. If you haven’t already, please open your eyes to the beauty that singleness is. God may have marriage for you one, or He may not. You need to seek Him on that and sometimes He doesn’t give you a quick answer. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating – I think we should put ourselves out there sometimes, but we have to be very careful on how this is done. As a believer I’d definitely recommend joining a singles group at your church if it’s available. And if you’re a single parent like me and that’s not an option you know what is? Starting one. Maybe the reason you are still single is because God wants to use that. He can use that to help others. Learn to prioritize your other relationships – and don’t be upset when your married friend is with their spouse all the time because that’s what they are called to. You know prioritizing relationships is an area I’m still working on. God should be at the top of our list though so keep that in mind – and that does include time with Him and the things He is asking of you. God will never ask something of you that takes away from a healthy marriage or healthy single life. I’m doing ok at keeping God first but that’s a daily thing. I do ok with keeping Lennon, my son, up there too. But I admit that I’m really working on keeping up with friendships outside of the area that I lead. I mean I have friendships there too but if you’re in a leadership position you’ll understand what I mean. So make sure you are taking time for healthy relationships in your life. Don't isolate yourself. God designed us to be in community, in fellowship with one another. Above everything said here – keep your eyes on Jesus. Focus on Him. Spend time with Him. Talk to Him. He is there to comfort you, just ask!

And as I always say at the end of these – if you don’t know God, if you don’t know who Jesus is and you want a chance to get to know Him, let’s talk. I would love to introduce you to the love of my life.

Also, I wanted to throw this out there to my faithful readers who I am so grateful for! If you haven't already, will you please subscribe to the page? I am having some trouble figuring out how to make this a pop up, but the form is at the bottom of all of the pages and should also be towards the top of the home page and on the "blog" tab page. Subscribing is free and it means that you will get an email each time one of these posts goes out!

Can I also ask you to please share these? My hope is to reach as many people as possible with these stories. I pray that God shows the right people the right things at the right time and that He uses me to do this. You may have a friend who is struggling in an area, like singleness, who maybe needs to know they are not alone. I'm here to help. This blog is currently a free resource. At this time there are not ads, but due to paying a monthly cost on Wix of maintaining this page, I may need to add a few to offset that. But traffic on the page is helpful.

If you have any prayer requests, at the bottom of the page is a contact form. Please feel free to fill that out and know that your request goes in what I call my "prayer book." This book travels with me everywhere I go so not only can I write new requests, I can open it to pray over specific needs of individuals throughout the day. Don't hesitate to reach out reader. Now let me clarify though - if you are a man I have to be cautious about solo conversations so I may refer you to one of the awesome guys I know who can minister to you one on one. But I can absolutely be praying for you and will be happy to provide any resources I can to help you!

Don't forget to check out the social media pages - there are now encouraging videos added onto these pages regularly. Daughter of the King, Warrior, Mom is on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter and also YouTube. At the top of the page is a link to all of those!



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